Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
