proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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