Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
