Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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