It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
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