are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
