i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
