I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
