if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
