I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
