You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
