There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
