He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
