This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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