you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
