6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
