Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
