Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
