That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
