i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
