I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
