i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
