I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
