lets start a swedish sibling band together
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
