just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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