My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sober January is a disaster.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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