I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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