If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
