I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry about my life...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
