I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
