wanna go halves on a baby?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
