You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
