literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
