Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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