My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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