We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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