it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
