God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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