We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
