she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
