I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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