Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
