i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
