I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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