your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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