after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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