Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
