operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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