My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
