my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
