Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
